azusasan

Hey, y'all. I'm still around! :3 ...If any of you noticed my absence, that is. Doing the usual homework-student council-original writing thing. Life's tough, but all in all, I'm happy. <3 Got over that stupid boy I had a crush on last year (though to this day I still rape molest touch him inappropriate quite frequently, just because his reactions are hilarious), and now I'm semi-stalking a gawky, slightly socially-retarded red-headed freshman. Oh yessums. I go for the weird ones.

I'm also beginning to think I go for younger men?...

Wellll. Writing and loads of homework call, as usual. I must be off!

Love,
Azu

I only really remembered I even HAD a blog when my government teacher asked the class the other day if any of us had blogs. (We were talking about the influence of media.) I didn't know whether I should raise my hand or not, so I didn't. Haha. ;p I do other... geeky things on the internet. (Like putter around on Gaia, which is kind of embarrassing, for some reason. Or write my lame sci-fi story that goes nowhere.)

Uhh, yeah, so... There's not much new in my life. Outside of, y'know, being in a near-lesbianic relationship with my best friend (I'm her...boyfriend? I don't know, something like that) and getting over that dumb Korean kid I had a crush on roughly a year ago now. I still like molestering him...and a lot of other people...but I'm pretty much over him. Doesn't stop me from having the hots for this cute little red-headed freshman, though.

AP classes are overwhelming! My finals schedule for this semester runs 1/2/7, 3/4, 5/6, which means I get AP Physics, AP Calculus AB, and AP Statistics all on one day. Eek. I'm going to do well on one and bomb the others. That'll probably be statistics. I love that class. AP Physics ruined my love of anything physics-related. Goodbye, NASA. I guess I'll never be sitting in flight control down in Houston.

Life is stressful, but lovely. The family has no money again (apparently we hit a point when the bank account contained only my mother's paycheck for that week, scary times!), but my oldest sister got married and is no longer living in the house, thank GOD. We'll also be repainting the entire house and tearing out the nasty old carpets to get some hardwood floors. Christmas present from the sisters, yay. No driver's permit yet (*sadface*), but I'm not particularly concerned in all seriousness. A girl my size should probably stay off the roads indefinitely anyway.

I've decided that for now I'll attend community college following high school and then transfer to a more "prestigious" college or university afterwards. It'll save money, so long as they don't decide to cut me due to shortages and all. Unless I get a straightaway scholarship and a huge amount of grants (which I fully intend on applying to, even those obscure, funny-sounding ones), it'll be the safest and most economical plan of action. Career? Ehh. My mom's actually supporting my desire to go into English, but now she wants me to do history, too. History? I don't want to be a historian... My ideal job would be teaching English at my current high school (where there is NO SUCH THING as an Asian English teacher!) and doing more high-paying jobs on the side. Like writing scripts and novels and the storylines of mangas. All that stuff. Hee!

Life is good. The only real irritant right now is this group of people that are always calling for this Don/Dawn person... This morning, a doctor called me and said to me, "You know that your mother is in the hospital?"

My heart must have stopped a second there, and then he says, "Wait, this is Don/Dawn, right?"

And then I exploded at him. ;0 Yeah, teach you to drop a bomb like that on someone without ensuring their identity first! Phew.

Off to bed now. Hope you all are leading the good life, or are on your way to.

<3333
Azu!

...Wow, that was a really long hiatus from me. I've been alive on facebook and all, but here? Mwehh, well.

Currently, I am on my third-to-last day at Stanford's EPGY program. I'm probably too glad to be going home soon... On Thursday evening, I'll be going home with my sister back to the Bay area, and then on Sunday afternoon I'll finally be back in my own (cockroach-infested and entirely too hot) little abode down in Southern California. And, uh, it will not be the same as before. :D Mostly because the... Well, I hesitate to say "culture shock," even if that's what it really was, but just dorm life and everything -- and being so "far" away from home -- really wrecked me psychologically for a bit. It's made me seriously rethink going across the country to Rensselaer or however it's spelled for college. I think I may just go with my sister's suggestion of sticking to a nearby junior college, figure out my major and my future, and go from there.

...That, and I will never ever EVER take my mother's cooking for granted ever again. D:!!

Otherwise, it hasn't been too bad. It does kind of suck that my end-of-term project here is the HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE... But there are always downsides to everything. And it's not that bad, either, because I finally got my butt in gear about it and it's mostly done, I just need to practice and polish a few things here and there. Thank God for no grades... Just "evaluations." :) And I'm totally banking on getting a good evaluation based on the fact that almost every night I've scrubbed down the tables and picked up trash and kept the kitchen fairly tidy all throughout. Waha, I am ze Kairos house elf. 8D

Totally going to miss my roommate at the end of this, though. D: She's going back to Holland! After another six weeks or something over here. Wahh, Esther, don't leave usss! We must continue to discuss how noisy the guys are and how bad Ben is at cleaning over Oreo cookies! Bwahhh...

The nice thing is that a lot of the people here are from SoCal... So there's a fair chance I'll run into some of them again. And my friend from Vegas (he's a dorky little gay boy XD) has my same birthday! So I'm going to hop a flight over to him on September 18th so we can go see Phantom of the Opera together. Or something. Or maybe I'll just send him something fairly expensive from Hello Kitty, because he adores Hello Kitty and all things pink.

Yes, the time here has been pretty darn good. And I've also been working on a character-focused story on the Diamondesque universe all throughout... And it's the first real time something from that universe has been read by someone other than me ever since it got revamped a year or two ago. It's a pretty sad story, but it has the usual stuff... Some fighting, androids, crazy unrequited love... No slash, though, haha.

...Yus. And that's about it from me. :) Azu out for now!

Srsly. I'm losing my life to it. XD

Ever had one of those dreams that, at the time, while you were experiencing it or shortly thereafter, you just felt so terribly moved emotionally? I woke up from this dream crying, and I had to reassure myself that it was a dream and it was (probably) not prophetic of anything...

I'm not even sure what was going on in it some of the time. I just remember there being these two guys in a post-apocalyptic sort of world... One of them died -- he had so many wounds, that even though they were bandaged up, it was inevitable that he would die anyways -- and the other man was sort of left there alone in this desolate ruin of a city. Another man appeared on the scene, shook the other guy's hand and smiled, and asked him if he had any water. Seeing as he had none, the smiling man walked away and disappeared again, something I found terribly cruel.

Later, water containers were dropped around, and the man (I think his name was Jack?) looked at them, reasoning that since the army was leaving these bottles of water around, it had to be because he was once part of the army. Then he had these flashbacks of being a fighter pilot, and receiving some badge of honor for his service. All of a sudden, the sun seemed to break out of the ever-present clouds, and what looked like an eagle was flying across the sun. The man started crying, because he wanted to be part of the people roaming the sky again.

...Yeah, in retrospect, the dream was a little bit cheesy, especially at the end. But when you become part of your dream characters and feel every part of their pain and sorrow, well... It was strange, feeling his longing to be part of the sky and to be be able to fly again.

...Hmm. Well, I suppose it's back to writing my book journal again. Sigh.

FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME. COSMOLOGY =/= ASTROLOGY, HOROSCOPES, OR COSMETOLOGY. Cosmology is, as defined by wiki, as the mathematical study of the universe and humanity's place in it! It doesn't have a crap to do with astrology -- astrologists are just using stars and space as a backdrop so as to make themselves look slightly more professional! Jeebus. And it's just as worthwhile as any other bloody science or humanities or what-have-you course. It involves plenty of math, plenty of physics, and reasoning/logic, and even imagination (wormholes, anyone? ...or am I the only one fascinated by the possibilities of them?) and philosophy!

...Astrology. Pfeh. Don't make me laugh!

(The people on the Stanford EPGY Facebook group get on my nerves sometimes. GRRR.)

Come on, Kevin, wake up! Please! I don't want to tell you how sorry I am for never having spoken to you at your funeral! This is going to eat at me for the next year unless you do! Wake up! A coma can't take you!

It's always an uncomfortable feeling, watching someone else you only vaguely know...die. I mean, I don't know this kid; he's the son of one of my mom's church friends, and while I've seen him around the youth group for the past five years or so, I don't think I've spoken so much as a full sentence to him. He's not that bad, even if his younger brother gets on my nerves within minutes of being around him. He has a brain tumor, and he's in for a seven-hour operation today (which may or may not have ended by now), and the doctors are saying that there's a chance that the cancer has already begun spreading to other parts of his brain.

It's disturbing in that sense. Maybe it's because I've known him longer than the people who fall ill or pass away at my school that I feel...slightly more distraught. I didn't feel anything when that junior at my high school, Kwame Gordon, died last year in a gang-related shooting. Nothing. I'd heard his name around campus but, frankly, I couldn't tell him apart from all the other people he hung out with. This kid at my church, though, I've known him for years even if I've never spoken to him, and now he has brain cancer. He could die, unless this operation is completely successful, and the pessimistic side of me says that brain cancer isn't so easy to cure with just one operation. My uncle died of brain cancer, though I don't recall even the faintest memory of him from my childhood.

Maybe with Kwame, it was easy to feel nothing because I never knew anything about him -- there wasn't ever the slightest chance that we would interact, whereas with this guy... I've known him for maybe half of my life and I've never done anything with him, really, or talked with him or... I've been given so long and nothing?

That gap between us has always been there, though. We never hung out as kids, even if we were both in that awkward state of having Japanese-speaking parents while being in the English division at church. Then I had my long hiatus from church in general, and he'd already begun heading down the emo path that I'm not-so-very fond of.

Maybe if he pulls out okay, I'll talk with him sometime. It's hard to, though, just because he's always surrounded by his friends and his brother's, and all those irritating girls I hate... There's my excuse, I guess. (Can you help that feeling of alienation and resulting hatred you get from those people who go to church solely for socializing?)

Pull through, Kevin! We have years to catch up on.

Just from January, I've come a long way. It makes me giggle sometimes... At my own insecurities, over my stupid not!romance with Sungin and Pupu, and just my immense procrastination in general. Haha. It's amazing how much one can mature between the days. And I seriously did not update a lot... Oh well. I guess it means I've learned to sort between what's really worth posting about and what's not. ;]

The first real ASB meeting of the pre-year was pretty cool. I'm digging our cabinet -- it's so racially diverse! XD CAMARADERIE, PEOPLE! CAMARADERIE! (I <3 Blake. Ahaha -- camaraderification? WTF?)

Next year will absolutely kill me in terms of coursework, but it's going to be so amazing, and so worth it.

*thumbs up!*


...Haha, I'm on facebook now! Yays! (Hey, a pseudo-requirement for ASB...)

I love Utada Hikaru. Mmm. Her music can be so inspirational sometimes.

One of my close friends was involved in a pretty major car crash recently... I just received an e-mail from her (which at the very least confirmed that she was alive). She's fine, the car she was driving should be repairable, and she won't have her license revoked because there was a witness that saw what happened and was able to confirm her claims that it wasn't her fault (she was cut off on a freeway; what else is new?).

What with the spiral of death my high school seems to be caught up in, things like this make me awfully jumpy. Thank God my Khrystle is alright, though. <3 I don't know what I would do without her. She's another one of those rays of sunshine that cut through the clouds of everyday.

I want to go see Bryan Quintas sometime, though. He has leukemia, and he was out of school for what I think was pretty much half a year... When you meet a guy like him, though, it always gives you hope -- hope that if you had the opportunity to meet such a genuinely nice and sincere boy, what's stopping you from meeting others out there? It always gets to me, how I fell for a crass, potty-mouthed and weak-willed brat when there are guys like Bryan out there. And it's just another demonstration of how life's so unfair. Why are the beautiful people always struck down when they're doing a huge service to everyone around them?

Well. I still have Stanford to look forward to in a few more weeks. The nice thing about attending a summer school like that is that you're so very "on your own" -- you're free to build your reputation and your image from scratch, because everyone around you is a stranger on the verge of becoming a friend. Maybe that's what I'm looking forward to the most... More than the chance at getting to meet pretty-boy geeks. XD Haha. Ian-pupu is my pretty-boy geek. I doubt there are many others out there that can compete with his level of PRETTYBISHIESPARKLES.

I still have a while to go... And I still have to read The House of Seven Gables and write its ten-page journal in the meantime. BLARGHHHH. *shakefist*

Remove all traces of oldest sister's existence from house when she FINALLY LEAVES in October.

...Srsly. Her Eyetide viewer thing (basically a rotating series of pictures for a screensaver) is full of overpriced bags and Ralph Fiennes. Um. Yeah. Obsessed, much? I mean, some people take their obsessions with fandoms to an extreme, but. Uh. I'm still of the belief that having an obsession with pink and/or white bags that look like carbon copies of each other priced at $2500 is a bit ridiculous.

And Ralph Fiennes is a good actor, but dude. My sister's eating up computer disk space with pictures of him. I'm tempted just to delete twenty or so of her randomly-downloaded folders just to see if she'll notice. Geh. *shakes head* You're going to get married to a sociopath in just a little while, too! Can't you tone it down at least a little?

She also has disgusting habits. Favorite food of choice is potato chips. Favorite drink is Coke. What irks me the most is when she eats practically nothing for dinner, pigs out on chips, then goes straight from eating chips to using the computer to download images of her next $1000+ purchase in handbag form and then to pictures of Ralph Fiennes. Minus handwashing, all of it.

I feel so dirty. *shudder*

I'm cleaning out this keyboard tomorrow. I'd like a new one, but, eh. I'll have to be patient. Perhaps I'll just buy one of those expensive "keyboard cleaners" at Office Depot...

...Yes, I will, sometime. :|